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Saturday, August 8th, 2009
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crazy people and their farmers schedules... don't they know it's the 21st century?
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why anywhere but me?
was I too much?
not enough?
and if it wasn't me
why wouldn't you let me help?
I walk parallel to you
and I'm not standing in your path
but keeping it true
I'll always walk beside you
this is love
this home
and you're a vagrant on the wind
why anywhere but me?
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I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home
So you never know, never never know
Never know enough, 'til it's over, love
'Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin', "No, no, no, n-no!?
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I wanna move but can't escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know
So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I can't keep my cool, so I keep it true
I got somethin' to lose, so I gotta move
I can't keep myself and still keep you too
So I keep in mind when I'm on my own
Somewhere far from home, in the danger zone
How many times did I tell ya? fore it finally got through?
You lose, you lose
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I had to go, see I had to move
No more wastin' time, you can't wait for life
We're just racin' time, where's the finish line?
So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I bet no one knew, I got no one new
Know I said I'm through, but got love for you
But I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
Gotta keep it goin', keep the lovin' goin'
Keep it on a roll, only God knows
If I be with you, baby I'm confused
You choose, you choose
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
Where I wanna go, I don't need you
I've been down this road, too many times before
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose
You lose, you lose, you lose, you lose
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fuck
Steve killed a fucking unicorn
that ignorant shithead
lol
seriously I work two days a week and I miss all the cool shit
didn't even take a picture of it..
could have donated that shit to science
seriously, fucking giant mutant spider in our house in Washington, who would have thought?
like the size of my fucking hand..
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rotting olives make an awesome treat for fruit flies!
fml
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Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
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as I promised here are some pictures of the puppies, the ones with the blue and pink bow are ours!
and here's a picture of their older brother "Pistol"
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Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
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I bought my puppy today!
I don't get to take it home for another couple of weeks but I'm way excited, I bought it a blanket and everything- pictures to follow soon.
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I dont get it
I've been nothing but understanding and supportive through this whole mess, I guess it's to be expected but I thought we were past that.
Is this the way its going to be for the rest of the month, with me texting you and you ignoring me?
last time I checked I hadn't done anything wrong...
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I cant believe I dont feel like this every day
the things i take for granted
these are stories
every word I ever said to you
written in every love poem you ever read
shes a feather
and I cant ever catch her
it was raining today
to imagine someone starving of air with oxygen all around
or a famine in the forest
to imagine a starving artist in a world like this
with all these textures, all of these colors
the things we don't say
how I feel so lost and lonely all the time
and how I ever have to search for words when you're around
things don't always have to make sense
but its all I really have to keep me safe
to keep you safe
I know I seem like a rain cloud when I want to make you smile
you know I don't mean to...
our bedsheets smell like you..
I can hear the wind cascading
over the train tracks
the sounds we listen to every day
trips to Ikea
teaching you to swim
that crazy sunburn
your hair wild in the wind
I remember you sleeping all in red
the mess I made that night in your bed
keeping your roommates up
shaking the house
our trip to Leavenworth
the candles
you looked so beautiful
the rose in the snow
it was just like you
when I think of lilies
when I think of poppies
roses too
the only foods I really enjoy
I learned from you
our old apartment
the crazy mess
sabotage cleaning sprees
Rosie the robot
the things I read about in love songs
the sounds I hear in my head
the rain
the way the light comes in blue in the morning
home, and I cant understand why you wouldn't want to be here
the roots we built
Christmas at your moms house
my turkey dooty
your baby movies
the poo tree
could any one ever really know you like me?
the way you sound in the morning
your filthy feet
your silly sleep positions
your addiction to anything looks old
black and white
black and gold
pearls
accordions
frisbee hats
a once in a chance lifetime
could you ever eat cheese without me?
soul food....pumpkin carving?
Chiavos
sage
I remember our silly argument over what color to paint our room
and he told me I could never win..
a long silly night
my middle name
wouldn't you know I let you win more than you think
a long four months
our secret spot under the bridge
the first time I ever held your hand
sitting uncomfortably at the other end of a couch
or shivering cold in my old house
drunken fumbling, my lack of grace
stepping into a foutain
before I told you for the first time
roomate meetings
joe's special
it was good I promise
I ate nicks too
hang over morning
my droopy toga
condom boobies
bitch tits
we promised each other every Christmas
at the same time of year
no matter what
you pinky swore
if you move away I'll love you just as much as yesterday
promise me you'll never be afraid
to call me
god knows I want to hear your voice
I love you so much
I can't believe you're going away
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Saturday, June 27th, 2009
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Electric President makes me sad.
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I need to be relocated
away from everything I know
especially the things I love
cant wait to be too engrossed in work to care
maybe I'll be absent when everything really does fall apart
I tried to laugh about it
but I guess its really not that funny.
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Thursday, March 26th, 2009
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my pee smells like tequila this morning.
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Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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Ive been seriously rethinking my life as of late.
I don't know exactly what has changed but I feel dramatically different lately, I cant explain it.
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Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
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Check out my new rig
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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I know you don't read this anymore but i miss you.
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Thursday, November 20th, 2008
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It's kind of strange sitting down and talking to my old man, I don't think weve ever had a real conversation, I don't think I ever let myself be okay with the fact that we might be anything alike.
Since late elementary he's been my archetype for everything not to become when I grow up, he was right and alot of those things that happened are funny now even moreso for how screwed up they were then.
I never felt like I'd missed out on anything until now.
I guess the way my life is I wouldn't change any of the equations that got me here.
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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
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I saw you
it was incredible
Mumbled these words at you
unintelligible
Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma
ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma
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Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
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I guess things aren't so bad.
I used to watch my mom crazy with stress always making plans and I used to swear off planning altogether, so I could avoid the headache of dissapointment when things did'nt work out; eventually I just began revising plans in my head based on the probability of it happening and then moved onto completely sabotaging ideas by just expecting things to go wrong.
I take a comprehensive list of possible scenarios and cut out the ones that have the biggest chance to threaten my livelihood effectively filtering out any problems or excitement from my life and then I take the most efficient scenario and make pre cognitive motions to prepare for possible dissapointment.
Ironically this is a form of planning;
A very objective and pessimistic way of handling my life.
I'm constantly telling Sammie about how nesessary conflict is for resolution, conflict does'nt nesessarilly mean fighting it just means acknowledging an issue and addressing it, instead of sidestepping it till it boomerangs again to avoid a fight that is inevitable.
I think when it comes to advice were all hypocrits of the most articulate manner.
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Friday, October 17th, 2008
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Theres nothing kinky about parameters, there is only frustration.
Feel like I'm in bed with a nun, and during a celebration of two years of being together, sleeping together... in the heat of passion you swat my hand away.
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mustacheride's journal
